10 Month’s of Solo Travel Have Taught Me…

Truth in the pain, fear in the chaos, peace in surrender

Move into the pain, trust the chaos, and surrender to the divine

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My travels have been life-changing, heart-breaking, and all consuming.

I have been thrust into realities I never anticipated.

I sought change and I received chaos.

I sought healing and I received pain.

I sought guidance and I received confusion.

And in the sum of my messy, crinkled, and convoluted parts the answer remains the same.

To trust.

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To trust in the divine.

To trust in the chaos. In the pain. In the fear. In the method to the magic.

Trust that there is.

That there is a plan for me.

That there is a home in me.

That I am whole and divine.

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It’s easy to loose sight of oneness in the midst of destruction.

Overwhelmed by the pain unable to see the beauty.

Each time I believe I’ve lost myself, I move closer to my heart.

My home.

I hear my heart ache and breath shorten, I feel my mind stray and my discipline crumble.

I see the lost version of myself deepen, grow, and transform.

I see myself sink into the resistance.

Surrender to the divine.

Unknowingly and unavoidably I give in.

I surrender.

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And with each lost breath, I fasten.

I fasten the seatbelt tighter on this never ending, continually evolving roller coaster.

I surrender to the highs that lift me off my seat, suspending me in thin air.

Believing the seat belt is torn and I am falling.

Falling hard to the surface below me, fumbling through the sky to be pounded back to this harsh unforgiving reality.

And each time, my seatbelt catches me.

Reminding me not matter how high I fly, or how painfully I fall I am being looked after.

I am being taken care of.

I am safe.

I am whole.

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With each stolen breath I deepen.

With each heartbreak I fasten.

With each punch I soften.

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And as the world moves frantically around me. And the earth vibrates beneath me. The sky invites me further into the abyss.

To the knowing.

To the power.

To the change.

And each time I take it.

I take the outstretched hand and allow the planets to guide me.

To heal me.

To transform me.

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I latch onto the hands of surrender and fear and tumble into the unknowingness.

I accept what I do not know, and let go of what I do.

I realize I know everything and nothing at all.

I am whole just as I am filling.

I am light just as I am dark.

I am pain just as I am beauty.

I am I.

And so much more.