The safety of my bedsheets

they tell you healing takes time

but they don’t tell you how long

they tell you to love from within

but they don’t tell you how

they tell you the pain will stop

but they don’t tell you when

they tell you you’ll be alright

but yet why do I feel anything but?

why do I feel anything

but loved, healed, and happy?

why do I feel the way I feel?

why do I see what I see?

why do I do what I do?

why do I harm myself from within?

why do I choose to see the bad…

the dark…

the horrific realities…

that haunt and run about.

why do I choose to remain here…

lost…

and alone…

with no where to go…

but here.

why can I no longer fight back tears?

why can I no longer attest I’m ok

with a straight face

and a smile bursting from check to check

as tears stream down my neck

and my smile droops down to a frown

the only thing I can do is hide, hide from within.

till the darkness becomes nothing more than a color

and the grey is the brightest white I’ll ever see

till the sight of my curtains and bedsheets is all I’ll ever know

and feel safe within

and even then

I can’t escape the greatest terror of all…

the pain within.