I just can’t seem to find the words

I just can’t seem to find the words

the words to say hi

hello

yes and no

I’m sorry it’s took me so long

I’m sorry it’s beat around my chest

knocking from door to door

searching and seeking

for just one inkling

that you’d receive my words with open arms

soft hands, and forgiving eyes

I hope that you will

that you’ll forgive me

you’ll accept me

as I am

scared and afraid I’ve ran from how I’ve felt for you

for as long as I’ve known how to breathe

as that only began with you

and now as my breath starts to shorten

I’m reminded just what you do for me

but I question what I do for you?

if it pains you or helps you to be near me

if it brings you joy, peace and clarity

or if it brings you sorrow, clouds, and lightning

because I hope to be none of the latter for you

but in my heart I know I do

because it is the same for me of you

and as much as I ache to share the oxygen you breathe

I know two does not make one

and you and I, while perfectly perfect

remain two

not one

and somehow these words evade me every time I go to write to you

as I cannot bear to tell you how much I’ve suffered without you

and I cannot bear to hear how you too have suffered at the hands of me

my feeble little hands that sit here writing to you

fearing you

fearing what you might do

now with my final few words I write to you

I share a truth and a lie

while today I cannot breath without you

one day I will breath with you and without you all at once

I will hold your presence close to my heart

I will see you when I need you the most

until one day

I’ll see me

until one day

two does not make two

two makes one