Blank Canvas

I want to take a moment to thank our selves for all the lives we’ve lived 

For all the loves we’ve loved 

And sorrows we’ve grieved 

It’s not easy is it?

To look back on the people we once were

The jobs, the relationships, the self belittling and harming thoughts we once and maybe still hold

and as we look back on our past how do we leave it behind feeling?

Gratitude, love, grief?

I feel all of the above 

And while I thank younger me for fighting as hard as she could to change the world. Believing books were the answer. I thank her even more for never giving up. 

Studying as hard as she could to become an attorney then realizing that reality is too harsh for her heart. 

For pursuing business and realizing that reality is just as screwed up as is the judicial system.

For pursuing the outdoors, finding an oasis in nature that somehow still found a way to exclude her. 

To the me you meet today. Accepting my chameleon colors, ever changing, ever unknowing. 

I have no idea where or who I will be in 5,10, 15 years 

But I do know I’ll do my best to be me

And somehow writing is providing that for me

The ability to always begin with a blank canvas and express myself as simply or as complexly as I choose.

Each words is my opportunity to share the acceptance I feel within the pages and strokes.

The peace I feel as I write or type

And the sanctity in knowing I can always begin again 

Knowing this page is as blank a canvas as is my life

And I may always flip the page and begin a new

Thank you!