The missing piece of me

The feminine

So strong and beautiful 

Vibrant yet powerful

Soft yet masculine 

Sensuality terrifies me

Not the softness but the toxicity

The desire to be seen

To be heard 

To be felt

All I’ve ever desired was to hide 

To hide from my feminine 

To embrace my masculine

To be viewed as intelligent, capable and successful

And in many ways I’ve succeeded 

I am independent 

I am courageous  

I am sovereign 

But yet the terror lasts

The fear of being seen 

Of being viewed sensually   

Erotically 

And to be degraded because of it 

And now, surrounded by women

Embracing the very quality I fear 

I find myself lost, out of place and out numbered 

Unable to let go of my history 

And fearful to embrace the possibility 

The possibility that I just might enjoy it 

The possibility that I just might need it

The possibility that I’ve pushed down this piece of me, my femininity, my sensuality

for so long 

it’s aching to breathe 

To be seen

To be heard 

To be felt 

To be loved 

The missing piece of me 

My femininity